


Bart Simpson and the Nuclear War — A Predictive Text Experience

by Babs (King_Dollophead)



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_Dollophead/pseuds/Babs
Summary: Bart and Lisa Simpson are fed up with Mr. Burns's tyranny. With the aid of other enraged townsfolk, such as Carl, they enact their revenge. Who will win the nuclear battle? (i.e. I got bored one day and I remembered the infamous A. I. generated fanfic Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, so I employed the same website to make this... thing.)





	1. Grammatically Accurate Edition

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored one day and I remembered the infamous A. I. generated fanfic Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, so I employed the same website to make this. I used several scripts of my favorite Simpsons episodes, as well as that of the movie, to create this… thing. Most of it is entirely auto-generated from the provided scripts, though I did help it along a few times. There is the original version as well as a grammatically correct one. Pick your poison. (I also threw in a bonus ending line for anyone left unamused.) Good day.
> 
> (P.S. Expect Steamed Hams But It's The Source For a Story Written With a Predictive Keyboard next.)

Bart Simpson shot Burns away with a very special pumpkin. "I'm trying to get you!" Bart pronounced.

"Oh," Burns said. "I'm sorry about that."

Lisa appeared. "I am trying to get you too!"

"Just because I'm really lousy? That is so unfair!" Burns said.

"Hello," said Moe.

"No," said Bart.

Lisa threw a taco at him. "Go away."

Moe Szyslak considered stoicism the best profanity. Moe felt so bad about that wrongful dig.

"Lisa, your help is nice," said Bart.

Lisa said, "Bart, you are obviously not really respected." Lisa chewed out the burrito with cheese and disease like a grizzled lunatic. "Let us get this beast," Lisa continued.

"Lisa, you don't think you're dying hmm?" Bart Simpson fired back.

"No way," said the little girl.

"Smithers must prepare to pay," said Bart.

"Lisa, would you please die," said Mr. Burns.

"Lisa,  _oof_  to you," said Bart.

" _Ruff_!" replied Lisa. "Let us all break this guy!" yelled Lise.

"Marge will burn us all!" shrieked Lenny.

The clown dies of death.

"Now stamp that Mr., Mr. Burns's underlings!" roared Carl.

"Come and fry him before he dies of death too!" Bart screeched like a dentist's most troubling potato.

"Fifty bucks says he dies of Apu's BBBQ," said Lenny.

"Go away, Lenny," ordered Bart and Lisa.

"Carl can stay because he is better," said Bart.

Lenny got very grim. "Oh," he said. He took his body to the outhouse with his soul and unintelligible joking.

"Carl power, activate!" cried Bart and Lisa.

Carl got a problem; a very big problem. Carl was naught but burning. " _ **EEEYAAHHH**_!" Carl screamed. "I am hot and burning!"

Bart looked very seriously at Carl's flaming failure. "I'm cold," he remarked nonchalantly. "Lisa, it's time to hit that stupid worm ogre of a scoundrel!" Bart decided.

"That sounds right," Lisa agreed.

"But I can't be killed!" said Mr. Burns nervously.

"Oh yeah? Why not?" questioned Bart.

"Because," said Burns, "I am already rotten and nauseous and dying."

"How?" asked Lisa.

"Lisa, Bart, you know how," said Burns.

Lisa and Bart exchanged looks.

"No, we don't know," said Bart.

"While you were going on about your revenge, I was already slain by the most impressive, insulting little assassin in this town; little wretch Maggie Simpson."

"Oh," Bart and Lisa said.

Mr. Burns suffers from fire and disease and damnation and monkeys and enemies and relatives and a very large nuclear bullet made of death and rhinestones. He expires dramatically.

Homer spits. "Feeble, hideous old man!" he says.

Smithers runs to his body. "It should have been me!" Smithers cried.

"Yes," said Mr. Burns's ghost. "Now die."

So the entire town was consumed by ravenous birds of death.

" _D'oh_!" said everyone, except Burns who said " _Excellent_!". 

**The End.**

_**Bonus** : _All that remained of Springfield was a single, smoldering steamed ham.


	2. Original, Unedited Edition

Bart Simpson shot burns away with a very special pumpkin. " i'm trying to get you!" Bart pronounced. " oh " burns said. " i'm sorry about that. " lisa appeared. " i am trying to get you too! " just because i'm really lousy? That is so unfair! " burns said. " hello " said moe. " no " said bart. Lisa threw a taco at him. " go away " moe syzslak considered stoicism the best profanity. moe felt so bad about that wrongful dig. " lisa your help is nice " said bart. Lisa said " -bart you are obviously not really respected. " lisa chewed out the burrito with cheese and disease like a grizzled lunatic. " let us get this beast " lisa continued. " lisa you don't think you're dying hmm? " bart simpson fired back. " no way " said the little girl. " smithers must prepare to pay " said bart. " lisa would you please die " said mr. burns. " lisa oof to you " said bart. " ruff!. " replied lisa. " let us all break this guy " yelled lise. " marge will burn us all " shrieked Lenny. the clown dies of death. " now stamp that mr. Mr. burns' underlings " roared carl. " come and fry him before he dies of death too! " bart screeched like a dentist's most troubling potato. " fifty bucks says he dies of apu's bbbq " said lenny. " go away lenny " ordered bart and lisa. " carl can stay because he is better " said bart. Lenny got very grim. " oh " he said. he took his body to the outhouse with his soul and unintelligible joking. " carl power activate! " cried bart and lisa. Carl got a problem; a very big problem. Carl was naught but burning. " eeeyaahhh! " carl screamed. " i am hot and burning! " Bart looked very seriously at Carl's flaming failure. " i'm cold, " he remarked nonchalantly. " lisa it's time to hit that stupid worm ogre of a scoundrel " bart decided. " that sounds right " lisa agreed. " but i can't be killed " said Mr. Burns nervously. " oh yeah? why not? " questioned bart. "because" said burns " i am already rotten and nauseous and dyeing " "how? " asked lisa. " lisa, bart, you know how. " said burns. Lisa and Bart exchanged looks. " no we don't know, " said bart. " while you were going on about your revenge, I was already slain by the most impressive insulting little assassin in this town ; little- wretch maggie simpson. " " oh " bart and lisa said. mr. burns suffers from fire and disease and damnation and monkeys and enemies and relatives and a very large nuclear bullet made of death and rhinestones. he expires dramatically. homer spits. " feeble hideous old man" he says. smithers runs to his body. " it should have been me! " Smithers cried. " yes " said Mr. burns's ghost. " now die. " So the entire town was consumed by ravenous birds of death. " d'oh " said everyone. the end.

Bonus: all that remained of springfield was a single smoldering steamed ham.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are still sane at this point, I applaud you.


End file.
